Lessons from Dad

My dad has taught me so much in my life. I will express here a few of the most important things...and a few trivial ones.

Never give up. After being told he may never walk again, I'm glad he never gave up and can live to run with my children.

Be helpful. Just pray you're helpful when you aren't already late. That upsets the punctual people in the family.

Your wife is your queen, your daughter is your princess. Naturally the princess doesn't get away with murder because the queen is there. But being the queen to my own husband is pretty awesome. I love that my dad taught me how a woman should be treated.

Don't be too proud. He played tea parties, pretty pretty princess, and let me paint his nails. Nuff said.

Be nice to strangers, but shoot to kill intruders. Texans don't risk the lives of their loved ones to avoid a lawsuit from the robber's family.

Gunpowder is fun on holidays involving fireworks.

How to love my children with patience and kindness.

But most of all I learned gospel truths. Like how to love myself because I am a child of God. What makes me special simply being human? Nothing. I am special because I was made in the image of God. Even if some people call my family inactive, we are far from hopeless. Immovable testimonies abound. I remember how touched I always was when my dad would bear his testimony and I know Heavenly Father remembers them and knows their hearts.

Wishing everyone a lovely father's day.

- Heather Rand

Value

While watching hoarders my beliefs were reinforced. These people were never taught how to value themselves, more importantly why they should. Families are vital. If parents abuse their children, everything for the rest of that child's life is affected. Self worth. Consequences. Knowledge. Love. Integrity.

So I just wanted to tell someone, anyone, you are important. You are valuable. You are worth so much to the most important being in existence. Why? Because God made you, he knows your strengths, your weaknesses, your fears, your potential. Even through all your imperfections. You are so loved and so valuable.

If there is one thing I will make certain I give to my daughter, it will be the gift of knowledge that she has a heavenly father who loves us and we love him. She is a daughter of God, and she will always be cherished.

Memories of Love

For some odd reason, after feeding Bri, I couldn't sleep. I found myself trying to remember the way my dad walked before the car accident. I could remember plenty of things, but not that. I remember the way his bullet proof vest and police uniform felt under my legs when I was on his shoulders at a parade or the art car show. I remember that same cologne he still wears to this day. I remember painting his nails and being daddy's little girl. But why didn't I ever think to pay attention to something as simple and personal as his walk.

Now I remember the gait akin to a penguin. Lopsided and labored, yet a constant reminder of the life he almost lost. A walking miracle.

After those few tough years of recovery he could walk, even run. I have fond memories of playing "cripple can't catch me", but cripple could corner you. Trying to recall the years before I turned ten I came across many wonderful memories.

I remember the first birthday I got roses like mom. Mom always got roses on our birthdays because she labored us. I remember the gun shows we would spend all day wandering through. I remember the few failed family home evenings that left the good readers in our family, Ryan and me, frustrated with the whole thing. I remember him holding me while I cried over a silly boy or two.

Most of all I remember the love that abounded in my home. I realize I'm so blessed to have such pleasant memories. Even if I wasn't raised by perfect people, a thought I rarely entertain.

I know mother's day just came up, so blogging about my dad seems a little out of place. But my mom is my best friend, she knows how important she is because I tell her almost every time we talk. My dad may feel he's just the one who passes the phone to mom. We talked this morning for about an hour. I could tell I don't talk to him enough because I'm in such a rush to tell mom something not important. I know as frustrating as his concept of punctual is I should strive to be more like him. Easy going, always making time to help others, and never giving up on life.

I only hope I can raise my daughter in a home as joyful and full of love as mine was.

-Heather Rand.

Dreams

So I had this mildly confusing dream about gargoyles and alternate realities. It was cool. This is my attempt at writing it, a few parts skip around but that's the nature of dreams. Hope you like. Bri was a loud sleeper so I assume it's her fault I had weird dreams.

I froze, there at the desk was an enormous, winged beast. It's wings were beautiful and grand, dark, but with a pearl-like glow. It turned and had a face that I seemed to know.
"sister!" He exclaimed. "no need to fear of interrupting my work, I always have time for you!"
My confusion was gone, sometimes my dreams feel real.
"how is your work going, any progress?"
"yes," he paused with a slight fear in his eyes, "I can't explore my theories though, the king won't allow me to venture where I long to go. I'm considering going regardless."
The thought frightened me too, no one ventures below. Every now and again, there is ground beneath our grand cities in the sky. It rains often here, the lightening though is always a joy. The way it jumps from cloud to cloud setting the sky alight with blue. Beautiful.
"I'll go with you. He can't punish us both." A baby suddenly cried and I knew she was mine."I'll tend to her, inform me when the ground is dry."
The thought of disobedience was never on anyone's mind. It was always on Oren's. He only spoke of his concerns to his sister, and she always agreed with him. She made him greater than he ever would dare to be. For a moment he realized the lightening rages on, but the soft partner of rain did not. The time was now.
He carried his sister to the ground below. It was hard and cool with a scratchy texture. He looked to Heather and her child, and wondered for the first time why they looked so different from everyone else. They had no wings, they were smaller, they were pale. The more he stared the more he noticed, and wondered why he never noticed before. Heather walked on, carrying her infant. The rain would come soon so I followed her. It was then that we noticed a difference. The air became dry, and it seemed that a wall was before us. I determined I would cross it when the rain began.

Soon there was rebellion. I had scores of the people following me. A once shy, obedient kingdom was in disarray finally wondering if there was more to our world. We had never thought of it any other way but home. I was to meet the king to discuss my ideas that seemed to infect those around around me. Like a virus an idea could become contagious, changing everything.

"I wish to venture to the edge of the sky. Or follow the ground, cross the wall. A dear friend tried to fly to our limits and lightening struck him. This has never before happened." The king stared out the window pausing for a while.
"my son, I knew this day would come. Somehow, I knew you would be the first to question our life. I awoke in this place and flew till I was exhausted. I felt free, but the further I flew from the heart of the city where I began the more I noticed differences. The sky would light, but not with lightening. my mind would become fuzzy and confused. It was then I realized I needed to somehow block anyone else from leaving. for soon, I had a people to protect. All were like me, but called me king. They seemed to know no different. So I built the wall to keep us safe and familiar. The ground was as confusing as the outer walls, but once the walls were erected the rains flooded the ground.
I know not the why or how of anything. No one but you ever questioned so. You may venture out, and take Heather and her daughter. She doesn't belong here, but she never questioned either. Maybe you'll find her place. The wall is down. Be swift."

I ventured to the ground and followed the road. I drove quickly which frightened Heather. She jumped on the back to protect her daughter holding tight with her eyed closed. I noticed a light in the sky. "what is that?" It was misshapen and white, it brightened the road. "the moon." Heather became animated and looked intently out each window. She seemed to grow more excited, as I grew fearful. It was then that she looked at me with sadness and began to speak. Her words seemed strange and I couldn't understand. My head felt fuzzy.
Home, I finally felt like I belonged. The moon, the stars, it was becoming clear to me. I turned to the creature I called brother and felt an overwhelming sense of loss. He was foreign to me, but I knew him still. I tried to explain my thoughts and his eyes glazed. He became an animal before me, and the car stopped at a gas station. He refused to listen as I called to him trying to bring him comfort.
I knew then what father, the king, had meant. I felt alone and numb. I wanted to return, but I knew the wall would be up. Wall. What wall. Heather seemed further from me and her outstretched hand struck fear into my heart. I flew as far as I could.
I watched him fly away before noticing other people around me. I was on the outskirts of a town. I was home with my child, and I needed to find my place here. I felt determined, and soon my mind was a clean slate. No memories, no loss, new life.

-Heather

When DIY is dangerous

As you all know I love watching something, then doing it myself. That's how I learned to decorate cakes, swaddle a baby, paint, and many other useful things.

But every so often I get this "genius" idea. Why not remove this cyst myself? I have a completely harmless cyst on my head and it periodically annoys me. I can't cut my hair short because I'm worried it'll be noticeable.

No, I'm not sleep deprived. I'm just too lazy to go to the doc, get a referral for a doc that can remove it, set up a removal date with specialist. See? Too many steps. This us why YouTube is dangerous.
I just wish I had a friend doctor who would do this for me. It's a quick procedure you don't even need to numb for. Lance, squeeze out the yellow jellybean, maybe one stitch, done! I begged my nurse cousin and no dice.

Luckily, there is a little sensible Travis in the back of my head rambling on about infections and the limited scope of neosporin and what if I can't stop the bleeding, blah blah.

I don't know why this is a blog post. I just wanted to tell someone other than my mom. My mom thinks it might be cancer.

Sincerely
-Heather

The Status

I think of a lot of interesting things, and boring stuff, I'd like to make my Facebook status. Then, I end up making a status that has to do with baby. Not a bad thing, I just have things to say. Get off my chest in a sense.

Some 90's music never gets old. For example; Sugar Ray's I just wanna fly, Duncan Sheik's Barely Breathing, and anything by Third Eye Blind. I hope you listen to one nineties song today. I also hope that semicolon was used properly.

I've never wanted to work my abs as badly as I want to now that my belly isn't flat. I know, poor skinny Heather that you feel no pity for. If you were me your whole life you wouldn't settle for less than super petite either.

Wreck-it Ralph made me cry. Not to spoil anything, but when he smashes a certain thing and makes a character cry I got teary eyed. And it has such a feel good ending I was just weeping tears muttering that was beautiful to myself. It also made me want my world to be candy. Realistically it'd be annoying and sticky.

Brielle is called everything but Brielle. Mostly I call her Bri and honey. She is also honey-bunny, honey bunches, this baby, bumble Bri, bug jr, and little miss. I'm certain there are more, but I can't recall most of them because I typically address her by whatever comes to mind.

Ta-da!
-Heather

Motherhood

I knew the trials of pregnancy would be worth it, but I really didn't know it would be so wonderful. My heart if so full. I haven't felt this fulfilled since I realized not only was I marrying the man of my dreams, but I'd have him for eternity.

It is difficult to be selfish right now. The moments I think about how I want more sleep, my head hurts, or the ways my body aches disappear the instant I see that beautiful baby girl. Nothing else matters except her needs, her comfort, her happiness. There is so much joy in thinking about someone other than yourself.

At this point I can't fathom living a life without this joy. I am so grateful we took this leap, and that I have such a wonderful supportive husband. I'm grateful to provide an emotionally stable home full of love and peace.

For those of you I may or may not know that say you'll never have kids, I hope you seriously reconsider. This is the best thing that could possibly have happened to me.

To my darling Brielle, I only hope I can be as much a blessing to you as you are to me.

-Heather Rand

The Most Wonderful Experience

As you may know last night at 8:38pm I gave birth to a healthy little girl. I figured a few of you might want to read about it. If not, I want to write about it while my memory is fresh.

It all started at five in the morning. I called the hospital for my scheduled induction because I was beyond anxious to meet her, I want my mother to spend plenty of time with her first granddaughter, and I was scared she'd get too big and crush vital organs. That's what it felt like at least.

I was an experience for two UNC students, and everyone forgot to mention I should eat breakfast. Naturally my blood sugar was super low and according the southern bell, sweetheart nurse, Sandy, I swooned. I almost passed out, but I like swoon better. After they gave me some sugar water in an iv I was back to myself, and the pitocin was coming.

After not feeling the pitocin or contractions until three, mind you we showed up at seven thirty, my water was broken. I tried to make a joke and ended up laugh crying while saying I didn't mean it like that. I'm gonna get graphic, it was at least two pounds of fluid. Gush.

My cool Dr. Slack said lucky women feel something in fifteen minutes. Apparently I'm an over achiever. Talk about instant gratification...or worst pain ever within five minutes. After only a few contractions I asked if it was wimpy or too early to ask for the epidural. Honestly, I'm proud of my pain tolerance and patience. Renee was busy chatting my doctor up when I demanded to know if the anesthesiologist had been paged. Meanwhile, my nurse wad explaining more technical stuff to her two students and Travis' hand was in high demand. A contraction started while he was texting and I told him to tell everyone to leave him alone. I found gripping his hand helped me through the pain, and I could focus on not crushing his fingers.

The epidural experience itself wasn't bad. It was the crick in my neck and her sweet, but not cool, sense of humor. She joked it would take an hour and a half to put in. Not a cool joke. Sadly, it took an hour and a half for us to realize the first medication doesn't work on me. Let me include that if every woman feels that way in labor, I commend every one that opts out of the epidural. The doctor had told me I'd be lucky to deliver by eleven that night.

I also want to include one of my best friends said it helps with the pain to think about what your husband is going through. He doesn't like to see me in pain. It did help quite a bit to be a considerate hostess.
Once the epidural magic worked, my pain was manageable. I also forgot I could push a button and get more relief. Don't ask me how stupid I felt after suffering through a few, because they get worse as labor progresses, but I ask good questions. For example, how much extra will I get when I push this button? And, how often will it dish out? Because of course they limit that stuff.

Around six thirty Renee showed up to start her shift and take over as my head nurse, something I am beyond grateful for. Renee was talking and the nurse, not Renee yet, asked if the two students could play the "let's all guess Heather's current dilation" game. After the epidural, pelvic exams were a breeze so I said go for it. I also didn't mind volunteering to be a catheter experience either. That nurse was grinning so wide after she got the size, but patiently left us in anticipation as the girls guessed five and "I think big because I can't feel the edge of the cervix". Oh, nine is big. I cried a single tear of joy and laughed. My time estimate was now within three hours. I am so glad my body wanted to over achieve eleven by three hours. I am so grateful I was so blessed by my heavenly father.

Renee quickly clocked in while I updated sisters and Facebook. I wanted to keep everyone informed. Second biggest day of my life, might as well give play by plays. After Renee became in charge she said something like, "we won't give birth to her but let's practice pushing." Tricky Renee was helping labor along. I opted for the mirror because Renee said once I see the head I could focus more. It's a curious sight. Personally, my birth didn't look as gross add the ones I've seen on TV. I actually liked being able to see, and I'm really impressed by my body. All this time I thought my body was a cute defect.

Epidural button time! I watched the clock and hit it every fifteen minutes. Did I mention I love epidurals? Anyways, pretty soon into pushing I see her petite little head and HAIR!! Don't ask me how I got that lucky. Renee even said alright we've given birth to one hair. Time ticked slower than it felt, but that's okay. The students were delighted to see an entire birth on one shift. One of the girls was sad she had to leave by seven thirty, but the other was determined to hold my limp leg until she saw my baby. Travis said this was when he felt most helpful. He got my other leg.

I told Travis' mom and two sisters they were welcome to stay till the baby was out. I did ask for no peeking below. I'm glad these rooms are big, but once the head was crowning I found myself yelling, "You can look! It's cool!" I never thought I'd be so unshy in my life. The minute my doctor walked in, after Renee had been down below for forty five minutes (skip ahead I'm gonna get gross), my bladder decided to spew his face. I did not know that could happen, but I found it mildly hilarious that it didn't happen the entire time Renee was helping me push and did seconds after my doc took a peek. He said he wished it were the first and last time to happen to him.

Once he turned the baby's shoulders a little real progress happened. Pushing was tough, but I will say contractions were much worse. Pushing wasn't so painful as it was difficult. I focused on this spot on my ugly hospital gown that looked like a woman's profile, and pushed like I was playing the oboe.

I didn't cry, mostly laughed joyfully, when I heard her first squeak. She was so beautiful, and after just barely crying she got silent and just looked at everyone aside her. I have such a great family. She recognized my voice, and I'm certain also recognized Travis and my mom. My mom had been talking to my belly since she arrived and it is obviously distinctive. Both our moms cried and the look on my darling husband's face was priceless. We got Brielle Rand Meredith's first debut on camera. Not the graphic stuff, just the touching moment after. (shortly after writing this I watched the video and somehow mom didn't notice she filmed my goods too. This will not be a video I show to anyone other than family that doesn't mind a lot of Heather)

She was so quiet I double checked with the professionals that she was in fact breathing and simply well behaved. I was so impressed with her hair and insisting everyone touch her.

I was so focused on her I still felt, but didn't focus, on my stitching up process. I know she's mine, but I wanna make sure she's good with everyone. No one really argues more than a polite, "Are you sure?" when you insist they play pass the baby. She even nursed well and it was so funny to see her om nom to get milk. Nursing feels kinda like a game.

So after all my wildest dreams coming true, realizing I love my mom and husband so much more now, and having an already great baby I feel at peace.

It is a true joy to see grandparents hold their first grandbaby, and my mom her first granddaughter, and how loved this girl already is by everyone she lays eyes on.

New mom,
-Heather Rand

Everything's bigger in TEXAS!

We recently drove to Texas and it was exactly what I needed. I missed my family to the point of many tearful nights. Although, given the option today I would much rather not make the 16 hour drive. I'd rather fly, but that wasn't an option this far along in the pregnancy. The trip was exhausting and left us both sore despite the level of comfort we traveled in. We rolled into town in a dark blue Chrysler 300. It was pimp to say the least. I'm so thankful that my father in law rents cars so often. It was like Christmas again!

Upon getting there my first goal was mediocre tex-mex. You heard me right, Casa Ole was in order. It was so satisfying except that the manager said if I have a suspected wheat allergy I should avoid all my favorite meals there. Needless to say you don't tell a pregnant lady she can't have beans that have been thickened with a little flour. I still ate some. Totally worth it and the entire trip I didn't react negatively to gluten/wheat in any way. I'm beginning to suspect it's not an allergy since reactions to allergens get worse and happen faster. In other health related news I'm allergic to cats. Every time I touched Elmo the giant, yellow Main Coon with any part of me other than my hands hives followed shortly after. I thought I would get used to him like I did last time I was in town, sadly no.

Moving on, I started to have a mini panic attack when we were in my parents' neck of the woods. Literal woods. For a solid five minutes I not only didn't feel comfortable surrounded by giant Oaks and towering Pines, but I felt trapped. I got over that after getting out of the car, but it was a little overwhelming.

I got to see all the family at least once. I'm beyond excited to be an aunt! My brothers' wives are so adorably preggers. One is due at the first of February and the other is due in June (I think). Still, she is always adorable so a little pooch is a victory for me to see. Unfortunately, due to Houston debris the rental got a flat and I missed our lunch date with my grandparents.

Travis of course was excited to blow up stuff in my dad's cast iron cannon. All in all there was a lot of my mom rubbing, listening, and talking to my belly. We also had the worst customer service ever. Only two of the people serving us actually remembered that Travis had Dr. Pepper and I had Coke. I guess they sound similar when it comes to refills.

Maybe I'll get into more detail later, but I'm so thankful and blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I'm so glad that I'm supported in every way throughout this pregnancy. I can't imagine making a family without the wonderful examples I have to follow, and the future best dad ever to support me.

P.s. I think since discovering I can tolerate gluten and slowly reincorporating it back into my diet this baby has gotten BIG! She's learned that ribs are fun to kick....much to my dismay.

-Heather Rand.