Tonight, you're my baby

I'm certain this needs to be written, transcribed, or otherwise documented. However, prepare for sap. 

Tonight was a night like some, but not all. I knew I wouldn't sleep at a decent hour,so instead of wasting it in bed with pointless scenarios, I decided to work on an old art project. I have these ceramic owls I got on the cheap on Etsy that haven't been touched in months. So I was watching Psych on Netflix, painting, and absorbing into the couch for a relaxing moment of me time. 

I heard some chest congested coughs and crying that wouldn't stop. Naturally, I tried the whole sneak in, replace binky, and leave, but she reached for me. Eyes closed, trusting I would be there, she reached for me. The next logical step was bring her to the couch to sleep next to me while I painted and watched tv. She cried until I asked if she wanted me to turn the light off. She got completely silent when I set her down and said I was going to turn the light off. Pushing aside my hobbies, to enjoy my full time life job, I still enjoyed an episode or two of witty quips intermingled with Shawn and Juliette romance. Meanwhile, I  realized I don't like sweating. Not much you can do about that though, when a coughing bub is on your lap. She would cough, cry, and get into a newer, more uncomfortable position on me.

The prospect of sleep seems a little more distant as I wonder if the coughing, crying, needing a hug routine will continue if she's in her room. So I brought her to our bed, and opened the window knowing that sweat is very likely with two toaster ovens in my bed. Just like her daddy. I stared at her in the dim light and for brief moments, I could see a grin. The same one my newborn surprised me with when I first watched her sleep. I turned my phone light on to see if it was my imagination. After ten minutes, I had to resign that I was seeing things. And now I'm crying that my baby is not a baby anymore. In many, many ways Bri is still a baby. Like not handling a room full of toys and kids and singing time well. And asking for binky when she doesn't feel good or is tired,or crying for a warm glass of milk. But, she not a baby at this point. Not with all the words, songs, and games learned. She's no longer laughing in her sleep.

And this is exactly how it happens folks. This is the moment a woman who hates pregnancy more than the prospect of dog pee on the floor, contemplates maybe a baby instead. 

Don't get your hopes up grandparents, I'm extremely tired and winding down off aunt flow. This very well may be, crazy talk. Insomnia plays tricks on the mind, and no chance of preggo happening tonight while I'm all moody. So just accept this as a moment I wanted to record, and maybe shed a tear. No more, maybe less.

Goodnight

-Heather Rand

Life is Grand

It's been quite some time since I've had to take any medications for my mood. I'm quite proud, but it's also frustrating to not be completely balanced and rational all the time. Let's be honest, I'm a woman, and in general women have more fluctuations in hormones and attitudes. Rationality, is not always a strong point. But I've learned a lot about myself in the process, mostly that I have bad PMS symptoms. I start crying at the tv, a mommy blog, or the terrible almost twos.

In other news, Bri will say Bri-Elle if you say "what's your name?". However, she must be in the right mood or you get a blank stare and quite possibly tears.

I've been painting on the computer a lot more. Currently I'm working on a piece where a girl is looking in the mirror at her past self. Pre-tats, nose job, and piercings. Because I wonder if anyone who has permanently changed their body ever misses the simple beauty of who they used to be. Even if they used to have a bigger nose.

Today at our ward play group there was a big discussion on botox for pain management. It's an interesting topic until I hear things like, move the needle around the knot immediately followed by that sounds heavenly. I know the prospect of a neck knot being worked out in a day or two from one needle stab and wiggle sounds appealing to some, but heavenly is not how I'd describe that. I spent that conversation trying to control my face so I didn't look like I was getting slightly queasy. But on the other hand, these were drop dead gorgeous women! Who needs botox. Seriously, it's way overrated to look 20. Just get some nice filling face primer and you'll notice those "wrinkles" less. Not to dog on my new ward ladies though, they're all really sweet and welcoming, and as stated above, beautiful.

In slightly gross news, we found signs of a mouse in the kitchen (and on a chewed up corner of Emmy's seed bag). We have killed (mercilessly) two. So far, the traps are clean. Thankfully it seems to be an isolated incident, and not like a huge family moved in. I love all animals, especially pet mice. Wild mice not invited on the other hand, are terminated with no concern.

And in the best update of all!! I saved up some mulah, bought my momma a plane ticket. And I'm stealing her for February! It's my birth month, and Bri's. I also have training classes for work I have to take, so I need her for that too. That's just an excuse, because there are plenty of nice ladies in the ward I could ask, But Mom is free, and I've missed her! Plus, she'll be here to help plan Bri's monster themed/sesame street birthday party, and it'll be amazing! I'm super stoked for Bri to turn two. I'm thinking about upgrading her to a "big girl bed" by taking the front off her convertible crib and getting a rail for the outside that she can still crawl around.

TTFN
-Heather