Where do I start? My own Panic Attacks, and post traumatic symptoms as a child of 5ish after witnessing my little brother drown in a bathtub(still nervous around pools)? Nightmares for months as a wee child of 13(thanks for taking me to dawn of the dead, selfish person)? Depression at 17? Post pardum depression every pregnancy during and after? Do you want to hear that there has always been something “wrong with this woman” and that's why she used her critical thinking skills to elevate to the hubris of not reading the same stories a hundred times? Then you're judging me and you should reevaluate your definition of crazy. I'm also forgiving, thoughtful, loving, creative, and beautiful so FINE if you wanna call me crazy at home I'll let it slide.
I command in the name of F*ck, Get thee hence jeeb-us.
Alright, now that all the orthodox Mormons have been scared away by evil words of blasphemy. I can feel safe to talk about my mental health to those who can handle me at my worst. Also I will not swear the rest of this post specifically, for Trudi Hall who I love and I know tries her best to read my ramblings. She is a wonderful Christian and a great example of loving service. Always has been always will be. If you have anything bad to say about her, go away. I wanna talk more specifically about how my deeply ingrained testimony of bighamite-ism, aka the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, contributed to my mental health in devastatingly negative ways.
Let's take a normal list of negative thought processes all mentally ill, and even normal-neurotypical people, struggle with.(https://healthywa.wa.gov.au/Articles/U_Z/Unhelpful-thinking-styles) I like Australia so we'll just use this nice Aussie government list as our source document. Now read the magic trick before your eyes as I super easily connect it to the churches teachings to hurt myself, and those around me.
Mental Filtering- Easy I filtered all my knowledge through the lens of a literal brighamite teachings. For examples: I believe in the evidence I've seen of carbon dating and all that that implies. So I would reason maybe Adam and Eve were the first God fearing homo sapiens. It was easy to filter everything from the bible with “As far as it is translated correctly”. Plenty of members have this filter from folklore involving big foot as THE Cain from the bible, to every herb unto the season thereof unless it's an illegal one or had as a hot leaf drink.. Mental filtering can be helpful or harmful. Spare the rod spoil the child certainly harmed me and millions of children everywhere. It can be helpful when your loved one says something unkind on a bad day, and when they later apologize for it you're able to reconcile their overall behavior to determine they're still a really kind person. Forgiveness is much easier with sincere apologies.
Jumping to Conlusions- Ooh, show me a cliff and I'm jumping. This plant is beautiful? All things denote there is a God, he created it all. Ha. Done. If Gay marriage is legalized people will realize our kids turn out based on how we treat them and that would lead to godlessness and soon we'd be aborting babies for ancient rituals as the heathens of old. If I don't read my scriptures for a significant portion of my day I am wasting time, I am wasting my life, I am wasting an eternity I could be spending with my God all happy and righteous, but I'm just such an unprofitable servant, I'm so terrible.
Black and White thinking- right and wrong. There must be opposition in all things. Yin and Yang, good and evil, pleasure and pain. If what I'm doing isn't building up the kingdom of heaven then why am I wasting my time on it. Good, better, best but ONLY PICK THE HOLIEST BEST.
Catastrophizing- See also almost every evangelical reaction legalizing gay marriage. I would see an article about people choosing not to have kids, and turn it into a metaphor about how the end is nigh and GOD IS COMING (that was a real facebook post I'm ashamed of). Wheat separating from chaff. Calling evil good and good evil. Hearing the quote that religion is a socially acceptable death cult hit me as truth. We always focus on eternity and death, and the next life and Christ's return.
Now this is how members have spoken to and around people who want to talk about abuse, mental health, anything controversial. These things are straight from my journal the days I heard them.
“My husband said if I ever got on anti-depressants he'd divorce me. He didn't marry a crazy woman” followed by awkward laughter from everyone
“I stopped going to therapy because it made me hate my mom”
“After years of going to therapists for this one thing I was told “GET OVER IT” and it really helped me. Not that I'm telling you to “get over it”. Whatever it is that's bothering you”
“When I said depression would be helped by service on the podium Sunday I hope you didn't feel I meant your depression, you have a chemical imbalance. I meant like normal human sadness.” (this is a good one)
“Yea, but there were times when my mom slapped me and I deserved it”
All of these people are wonderful people, and they are good Mormons. They are an example of how the church affects mental healthcare. The church is a hindrance to mental healthcare, and in my opinion Bruce R McConkie is to blame. He was a doctrine writer for the church penning such lovely educated advice like,”Two false and extreme views are commonly held among apostate peoples as to the value and place of physicians in society. Most people rely entirely on doctors and medical science where health is concerned and make no attempt to seek the healing power of the Lord. (2 Chron. 16:12.) Some others reject hospitalization and medicinal aid, supposing that it is only by divine aid that health will or can be restored” in 1958. These are the things that our grandparents taught our parents, who carried it on to us.
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