I have always wanted a ear full of piercings. Think punk rock the whole side is just rings and shiny crystals. Now that I have 4 in my left ear I'm quite happy with them. I admire my ear in the mirror it's so beautiful. Also I highly recommend only doing one hard cartilage piercing at a time. It hurt and I can only just start laying on that side of my head. I'm thankful I have my Mormon ear to lay on. I'm thinking of keeping one piercing in my right to tell people it's my Mormon ear, it is still my heritage and I want to keep some of the good things.
I have always loved the smell of coffee. Lots of cream, barely a finger pinch of sugar, dash of vanilla. Best way to enjoy it. I live for my decaf it's so smooth and I don't get caffeine but enough stimulant to move my bowels. My morning coffee poop is my favorite poop. I've never been more regular.
I mourned that every fashion advice to women of my body type felt immodest. I wished that I could be free to have purple hair in church and be treated just like everyone else. I didn't deserve to have a bishop assume I supported Ordain Women during a temple recommend interview. However, I did deserve to have a bishop tell me my inner light shined when I showed up to church high as a kite trying to treat my depression with anything but pharmaceuticals. It was probably the makeup dude.
I always wanted to tell my kids it's okay to be gay. I wanted to tell Bri she could opt out of her baptism, I knew she was hesitant but I wanted her to be accepted in primary. She did it to make her parents happy. Not for herself.
I wanted to have friends outside the church. More of them! All the friends! Haha. I wanted to befriend people without thinking about their lives as an example of how Mormonism is superior to whatever they believe. I still want to be friends with Mormons, though their influence on my life is more limited now.
Drinking is also fun. I do so sparingly due to my medication that keeps me functional, but I didn't feel any evil descend. In fact, we had some friends over and they helped us navigate our first alcohol. They showed us moderation and how to just have one and see how it affects your body, how long the effects last, and how to stay hydrated. My family history has alcoholism in it, so I'm being very careful of how often I drink. I know how drunk parenting can screw up the next generation. I want my kids to have better parents than I had, and I'm sure they'll want to be better parents than me.
Sex. I love sex with Travis, and I feel less shame letting myself feel good. I even like to...think about it. And guess what? I don't want to gauge out my eyes for looking lustfully. I also have found I'm quite attracted to women too now that the walls in my mind have come down about a lot of things. I'm obviously married with children,
Being a loud woman. It's a sin in most patriarchal religions, but I love being outspoken. I don't only want to speak when spoken to.
So that's it. I left the church to say I'm here, I'm queer, I'm not going to sit down and shut up.
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